I've been busy...

and I haven't been dating. I think I'm officially an old maid or a cougar with out any prey.

Smiling paintings

Today was pretty perfect too.
I went to yoga.
I called wine dude and told him not to be embarrased to call me back.
And he did at 10:30 pm, what's up with that? i'll call him tomorrow.
I painted all evening. Some good stuff.
Happy stuff.

I am reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabth Gilbert. She is dealing with in this book what I'm starting to deal with now in my life. It's one of those "Celestine Prophecy" moments, although maybe I am reading the book at the right time now. With the "CP" I waited until I was already in Australia to read it.

Perfect day

Thursday
I checked emails.
I went to yoga.
I got coffe and a cupcake after yoga.
The sun was out so painted a piece of furniture and a frame outside. That is one of my favorite things to do.

Katherine came over and we went for a long walk. I try to help her with her issues, but she has a long journey ahead.

I then picked her up and we headed down to Pioneer Square for Art Walk. Stoped in a Gallery IMA, actually parked in their garage. Had a glass on wine. Went to another gallery, not serving wine, awesome inspiring collage art. Katherine wanted to hit a bar (bar fly that she is) so we had a VT. To another gallery where Katherine used to work...so had another glass of wine. Then made our goodbye's to Dino and headed back to Ballard.

Stoped in at Hazelwood. VT2, then to Hatties' VT3, then to People's Pub (VT4&5) and I started a conversation with the man sitting next to us about Katherine's problem then eneded up giving him my number (and kissing him 3 times like the Brazilians do, he just looked like he needed a blessing...may you never get married type). We then went back to Hazelwood which was hoppin now. Katherine ordered us drinks VT6! Oh my!

I met a woman who said she was a children's book editor and wanted female friends (I gave her my info) and then I met a man who is in the wine making program, he knew LongShadows (where my brother in law is a wine maker) and I gave him my number. I think a few more drinks were bought for me, by the woman and then by a guy she was talking to who spilled my drink, and I talked to him. Then I talked to the wine maker guy again...and went home.

Thanks God for getting me home.
I can not drink with Katherine, she drinks like a fish and I don't know when to say I'll have a soda please.

When I woke up Friday I had 6 missed calls and 2 messages from wine guy. Funny.
I watched a movie and lazed all day till I had to go hang with Claire.

I decide to stop dating and I give two different men my number.
This is how it works.

pen pals

I was talking to 3 other men that I met on line. I gave all of them my phone number.
Two wanted to be pen pals, the other just wouldn't take the initiative (don't give me options for 3 different nights)

I gave up on all of them.
What I need to do now is concentrate on something bigger than me. Not relationships but life purpose, yesterday told me that.

Done with dating for now. Closed my profile, after checking out a bunch of other men, sending some flirts and not getting any real response.

That's done. Thanks God.

band of horses tee shirt

I met up with Mr X for dinner Saturday night. I knew it would be short but decided to give it a try.
He was wearing a band of Horses tee shirt, black, a size too large, with a white long sleeved tee underneath. He wasn't wearing a belt. How do I know? His teeshirts were tucked in. He's 45 and has a hair cut like Tom Cruise. That long but short style. He's not my physical type. He's not my type spiritually either.

Our date last week was postponed bacause his son ran away from home. I told him he needed to take care of his family. He doesn't need to start something with me.

He wanted to talk about art. He had given me his web site to look at. terrible, he's a horrible artist. Even the name of the site...somehing to do with Hobbits...come on!

Anyway, we had a nice dinner but I'm so not interested, it's sad.

He later calls me to go out to coffee on Sunday and then emails me to see if I want drinks on Monday. No, I don't. Life is too short for this. He drains my energy and wants something from me I can't give him...except advice that he needs to take care of his family.

And fashion advice but I can't give that either without him thinking I'm a bitch.

Moving on.

I am not older than Obama

So Travis sent me a message and wanted to meet up on Friday.

We planed to meet at Thai Ku, then a few messages later he asked "what about tonight, LOL. Then Friday could be our second date." Why the LOL...anyway I ignored it.

Sure, I wrote call me if you want to do it. I let him go to voicemail. He mentions Kings (cheesy), Ocho (so new I'm not impressed plus when the girls and I went there not such good service), and Hazelwood...the tiniest bar ever in Ballard. He says let's meet upstairs. What the? Seriously the bar is like 8'x12'.

Fine, this should have been a sign for things to come, but I called back and said sure, drink at 8pm? ok. He leaves it with, "see you upstairs", I laughed "maybe I'll see you downstairs, if I'm on time." Seriously has he ever been to Haxelwood on a Wednesday night? It's not like it's going to be packed at 8pm.

Drinks/food:

So I as I walk in the door, he is standing at the bar (downstairs!) with a glass of red. I have the same and we go upstairs. The first thing he notices is that turntables are set up and procedes to tell be about how this past weekend he was here and some people were sitting where the turntables are (wonder where the bench went?) and about how drunk these people were and how they were playing with a breathalizer...guess you had to be there.

Topics of conversation:

Work: he tells me the tiltle of his job, and then says "Do you know what that is?" It's one of those tech sales type jobs.

Living: no dog, has lived in Manhattan the same time I did and shopped at my store, comes from Eastern WA and I know of some people he knows.

Travel: he casually mentions he's going to Austin next week, but not for work. I ask for South by Southwest? He's like "how do you know about that?" Hahahah...he lost me there. like I wouldn't know about sxsw.

Politics: oh no...how did we get here? He claims Obama is 38 (on the basis that he has young kids) This is when I decide he can pay for my glass of wine. Proceeds to talk shit about Hillary.

Time to go home.

He claims to be tired since before he met me he had a big bowl of rice and veggies and a beer at Thai ku...whatever, if he wanted to go out to dinner... this is the type of man who feels drinks are all he wants on a first date.

I email him thanking him and letting him know Obama is 46. Don't expect to hear back.

oh and when I told him I'm just been on vacaion in Kauai, he said "You don't look tan" Aaaagh!!

Back on it

So I reopened my profile on The Stranger. Made a few changes, added a new picture, lied about my age...let's see.

I went through all my old messages and deleted them, saw how many were still on...only Keanu Reeves, the player and good 'ole Lee Vinning, who is now 38!! Yikes I'm sure he's 55. Hilarious.

Happy Leap year Birthday

Four years ago on leap year we had a Birthday party. It was fancy dress. To participate you brought a gift of a $50 value. Everyone got a gift and everone got drunk. Fun was had by all. It was a great party.

4 years ago. I was with Benny as much as I could be with him. We left the the party together. We left every party together. It was the beginning of our 3 year hook up relationship, the Irish version of a "relationship" I'm told.
We had gotten together on New Years Eve 2004. Woke up together New Years day 2005 and vowed not to do it again. Then it was volatile until Christmas day 2006 when I got drunk, cried and carried on...and vowed I would never need to talk to him again. Even though our best friends are all the same. It's been rough. All year I avoided parties and Holiday weekends away when I knew he'd be there. Only once did I see him, at Wayne and Katie's house warming Christmas party.

Just the background.

This leap year we all gather at Paddy Coynes' pub to drink and celebrate. It starts at 8pm. By 9:30 Benny shows. I was hoping he would skip it, or show up and act like a human. No he's drunk. He's been drinking Guinness since 3pm. Most likely hasn't eaten. Benny is all of 5'7" 135lb of foolish Irishman.
He stares at me for awhile. He finally comes over and instead of saying hi, he stands next to me and sort of feels for my hand and looks at me. Hi. Unfortunately it feels good. Shit. I'm pathetic. He slurs and goes on. Walks away comes back. Trys to put his arm around me, that's one thing about Benny he is affectionate when drunk. We are alone. No one is listening. They are watching. He looks at me and quietly says "wanna fuck?" I lean in and laugh "of course." He's like OK, as I continue "But not tonight and not with you" "fuck you" is the response I get back. He goes on about how he's a very sexual guy. I tell him to call me tomorrow...you know that's not going to happen. He says. I know this and ask him, why would I want to go home with you tonight then? He agrees with my view. Why would I?
He can barely stand.
I should slap him.
He won't remember so what's the point.
Wayne calls him a cab and he's gone.
I'm sad for what will never be.

I need a better man.

Home alone

I'm alone for the first time ever for new Year's eve. It feels good. Somewhat. I'm reading cheesy chick lit tonight and enjoying it damn it.

I'm also still hung over from last night I don't know if I'll make it to midnight.

The Station

Suzie and Sarah and I meet for dinner and drinks. We end up drinking 3 or is it 4 bottles of wine.
We really are lushes.
Near the end they start asking me about the dating. I quit it, no luck this time around.
Then Suzie wants to know what is up with me and Benny. Nothing. I haven't talked to him since Christmas 2006 and they were both there and witnessed my breakdown.

It get weird Suzie is like You guys should go out. He's not doing anything. I'm texting him.

Good thing she's really had enough wine that texting is difficult.

I give them all the reasons why I shouldn't be with Benny and why it's crap and never going to be good.
Benny is why.

But he is one of the best kissers I've ever had the pleasure to kiss.
I admit it, I keep comparing others to him, no one yet has been as good.

Merry Christmas

James Dean send me a text message wishing me a Merry Christmas. Weird. He's hot and cold. I wish we could be friends.

Good and Evil

Some guys I know have art in a group show downtown titled "Good and Evil".
I want someone to go with me.
So before I go to work I IM James Dean. I'll try one more time. I do like hanging out with him. The other night we had a good phone conversation, even though I'm a nightmare and was drunk. Although he never made time to bring his daughter over for card making.

I need a wing man.

He says he'll go. We text during the day.
He comes over around 7 and we head downtown.
When we get there the two guys I know are outside. Rick gives me a big hug. Bryan says go in and have a beer. I feel good. I know people.
We head inside and James gets a beer, I get a glass of wine.
We walk around and look at the art.
Bryan's good painting has weird pod aliens having their arms reattached. It's strangely sweet. The evil painting has their arms being sawed off by an alien machine.

Our other friend Emily's husband has sold his piece. That's "sweet".
All of the sudden James is freaking out. He sees someone he knows and is trying to "hide" he beer. He tells me that he is on antidepressants (explains some things!) and this guy knows his sister. She's on antidepressants too and they aren't supposed to be drinking alcohol. Why do I try?? He gets over it. We have another drink. We enjoy ourselves. We talk to Dave the street artist I work with, he's entertaining. James is enjoying talking to him.

The rest are moving on to the bar next door. We follow. I buy us beers. We chat. When James uses the bathroom I let Rick know he's "some guy I'm fucking" When he asks about my "friend". I feel like I'm using him like an accessory, which I am.
When I get back from the bathroom, Bryan tells me James bummed a cigarette off him and went outside. I go out to look for him and he's not in the outdoor area where all the other smokers are. Hes over on the other side away from the bar, all alone. He makes me sort of sad.

We go home. He tells me some stories about girls who want to hook up with him, we are buddies. I think he has a thing for his lab partner, but he denies it.
He spends the night but it's not fun. He can't come. We are tired of trying to pretend were into it.

Off internet dating

I can't take it any more.
I have no time.
Too much with Christmas coming.
I'm done for now.
I'm hiding my profile.

Fear and loathing

After brunch yesterday I called my friend Katherine and we went to a little gift party and bought some handmade gifts and had a few drinks.
We then decided to go to the bar her boyfriend works at for more.

I got a text from Emo boy.
Katherine encourages me to get him to meet us.
He takes the bus over, so it takes an hour or so.
We have had a few drinks by the time he shows up and have just ordered food.
He looks at me as he sits down and says "You're drunk."
I'm not working tomorrow is my response.
He seems very disapointed.
It just gets worse.
I go to the bathroom and when I return he and Katherine are in a heated conversation about Johnny Depp and Hunter S. Thompson. She walks away and I try to pick up the pieces. Emo boy hs become psycho. Tears are coming out of my eyes.

I'm not even PMSing. I am just tired of dating. I'm tired of being misunderstood.

I say to him lets go for a walk. I apologize and we walk down the street and I tell him he' a sweet guy but this is obviously not working. Good luck.
I know he thinks I'm a freak. I have never done anything like this before with someone I didn't know.
I am his worst internet date.

I get home and call James Dean. He listens to my story and makes me feel better. He says maybe he'll bring his daughter over to make Christmas cards.
I will never find someone to love again.
I'm so sad.
I'm drunk.
It snowed today.
I skiped yoga for the first time since starting.
James Dean calls to say they can't make it over for card making. I'm busy Tuesday and Wednesday. It won't happen. At least he made an effort.

dating resume

Meet up with Lance for brunch.
He's young.
There is something weird he does with his mouth when he talks.
He's funny.
We have no spark.
I am not what he wants.
I am never what they want.

He has a theory about how everyone should have a "dating resume"

He needs to leave so he can get down town for his next date.

You go boy!!

Christmas vacation, soon.

One last date.
He's Emo boy. Although he's 37.
He cuts his own hair, it's sort of choppy, but sort of cute on him. He admits to having a fetish for girls who knit.

We meet for sushi. I don't think he's ever eaten sushi.
He's sweet.
He says weird things like "I like a woman who takes care of herself." At first I think he means, like I pay my own rent and stuff, than I'm not a student. No, he means it as a compliment that I look good....for my age.
Ha hahaha.
I drink, I smoke, I do yoga, I eat fast food sometimes...I should not take this as a compliment, but I do. I'm stupid and horny again.

drinks/food: We have a cocktail at Bal Mar. We eat lots of sushi (well I do, he's afraid of it). We drink saki. We have another drink after dinner.

Topics of conversation:
Age.
Looks.
How cool he is because he's Emo.
How he's overcome weird parents and been able to do what he wants to do.
I don't know hy I think he's endeering but I do.

We make out at the bus stop (he doesn't own a car).

That was fun.

myspace

I just got a request from the jagermeister boy from Halloween to be his friend.
I love it!
He's just trolling for more people for his "Lancenation " world take over.
He blogs on myspace about his big win on Halloween.

We send mssages back and forth.
Plan on meeting up this weekend.
Why not?

I'm having no luck, might as well have an entertaining breakfast and maybe make a new friend.

I have my pearl earing back

Mr. Reeves showed up at work and hand delivered it. He's a cocky bastard. Not looking my best. I was sniffling and not feeling well. He caught me off guard while I was helping David with a customer issue. I even had called in sick yesterday with this cold and he gets to see me like this. Why? What do I need to learn form this?

At least I have my ear ring back.

No more 40 year olds.
No more lawyers.
Can I say no more divored men?

Fucked up.

thanks but no thanks

I receive the best (ha) message from Mr. Reeves.
He does not want to persue a relationship with me. It goes on and on.

I laugh at it and share it with Bryan at work.
"He's asshole" Bryan says, "forget about him"
He's right.
But what's wrong with me?
I'm begining to wonder, then I remember I'm trying to date in Seattle.
Fucked up.
I quit.

Priests and schoolgirls

I get a text message from James Dean wishing me a Happy Halloween. Haven't heard from him in awhile. Nice surprise, but I know he has the kid this weekend so I wish him well.

I then text Keanu Reeves a Happy Halloween. We text and plan to meet up same time same place as the first time. He will be a priest, I imply I will be a schoolgirl...and I'm ready to have confession. Some how getting naked gets mentioned. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.

We have a good yoga work out because one of the women teaches the class not Richard, he's out of town. I try to find a school girl outfit. I am missing plaid skirts from my wardrobe. Shit. I look more like a lawyer. Oh well.

I get to Bal Mar before the priest. I people watch. There is a guy dressed like a transformer, he transforms into a jagermeister bottle. He's drunk. Reeves arrives and the transformer shows us his costume, Reeves watches him and thinks it's so weird that he looks like a normal guy when he takes off his mask. He thinks the guy is sort of sad. I think it's funny. The place is packed. There is a group sitting next to us who are tourists and farmers. They are sad.

We leave as transformer dude is up in front of the crowd trying to win the prize.

drinks: He has 2 cocktails, I have 2 glasses of wine.

Topics of conversation: priests and schoolgirls and should we get naked later?

Why not? I need some action.
We get into the Volvo station wagon and stop off at QFC for a bottle of wine.
Back to Reeves apartment. He has 10 bikes in the living room.
We make out on the sofa.
We take our clothes off.
I go down on him, I enjoy giving head, a lot!
He's enjoying it, a lot!
We have a conversation about sex toys, he had to use them with his xwife. She couldn't come without. So glad that's not me!
I think sex toys belong to the person they are used on. Reeves differs in this...what the hell? who wants to use someone else's dildo? Yuck.
We don't need toys.
He comes 4 times! This hasn't happened to me since I was in college, it's impressive.

After I come, he drives me home.

I get home and realize I am missing my pearl ear ring. Shit. I call him. He finds it. We will figure out how can get back. He has the boys all weekend. I'll be waiting.