Home alone

I'm alone for the first time ever for new Year's eve. It feels good. Somewhat. I'm reading cheesy chick lit tonight and enjoying it damn it.

I'm also still hung over from last night I don't know if I'll make it to midnight.

The Station

Suzie and Sarah and I meet for dinner and drinks. We end up drinking 3 or is it 4 bottles of wine.
We really are lushes.
Near the end they start asking me about the dating. I quit it, no luck this time around.
Then Suzie wants to know what is up with me and Benny. Nothing. I haven't talked to him since Christmas 2006 and they were both there and witnessed my breakdown.

It get weird Suzie is like You guys should go out. He's not doing anything. I'm texting him.

Good thing she's really had enough wine that texting is difficult.

I give them all the reasons why I shouldn't be with Benny and why it's crap and never going to be good.
Benny is why.

But he is one of the best kissers I've ever had the pleasure to kiss.
I admit it, I keep comparing others to him, no one yet has been as good.

Merry Christmas

James Dean send me a text message wishing me a Merry Christmas. Weird. He's hot and cold. I wish we could be friends.

Good and Evil

Some guys I know have art in a group show downtown titled "Good and Evil".
I want someone to go with me.
So before I go to work I IM James Dean. I'll try one more time. I do like hanging out with him. The other night we had a good phone conversation, even though I'm a nightmare and was drunk. Although he never made time to bring his daughter over for card making.

I need a wing man.

He says he'll go. We text during the day.
He comes over around 7 and we head downtown.
When we get there the two guys I know are outside. Rick gives me a big hug. Bryan says go in and have a beer. I feel good. I know people.
We head inside and James gets a beer, I get a glass of wine.
We walk around and look at the art.
Bryan's good painting has weird pod aliens having their arms reattached. It's strangely sweet. The evil painting has their arms being sawed off by an alien machine.

Our other friend Emily's husband has sold his piece. That's "sweet".
All of the sudden James is freaking out. He sees someone he knows and is trying to "hide" he beer. He tells me that he is on antidepressants (explains some things!) and this guy knows his sister. She's on antidepressants too and they aren't supposed to be drinking alcohol. Why do I try?? He gets over it. We have another drink. We enjoy ourselves. We talk to Dave the street artist I work with, he's entertaining. James is enjoying talking to him.

The rest are moving on to the bar next door. We follow. I buy us beers. We chat. When James uses the bathroom I let Rick know he's "some guy I'm fucking" When he asks about my "friend". I feel like I'm using him like an accessory, which I am.
When I get back from the bathroom, Bryan tells me James bummed a cigarette off him and went outside. I go out to look for him and he's not in the outdoor area where all the other smokers are. Hes over on the other side away from the bar, all alone. He makes me sort of sad.

We go home. He tells me some stories about girls who want to hook up with him, we are buddies. I think he has a thing for his lab partner, but he denies it.
He spends the night but it's not fun. He can't come. We are tired of trying to pretend were into it.

Christmas party #1

Some friends just moved. They are having a house warming/Christmas party. I go hoping some eligible men I don't already know will be there. No. There is one guy who keeps trying to talk to me but I'm just so uninterested and tired I can't get into it.
I meet a nice woman. We complain about dating in Seattle. I need to concentrate on me.

Benny is there. He has a new hair cut. One of the lads points this out to me. Weird.

Off internet dating

I can't take it any more.
I have no time.
Too much with Christmas coming.
I'm done for now.
I'm hiding my profile.

Fear and loathing

After brunch yesterday I called my friend Katherine and we went to a little gift party and bought some handmade gifts and had a few drinks.
We then decided to go to the bar her boyfriend works at for more.

I got a text from Emo boy.
Katherine encourages me to get him to meet us.
He takes the bus over, so it takes an hour or so.
We have had a few drinks by the time he shows up and have just ordered food.
He looks at me as he sits down and says "You're drunk."
I'm not working tomorrow is my response.
He seems very disapointed.
It just gets worse.
I go to the bathroom and when I return he and Katherine are in a heated conversation about Johnny Depp and Hunter S. Thompson. She walks away and I try to pick up the pieces. Emo boy hs become psycho. Tears are coming out of my eyes.

I'm not even PMSing. I am just tired of dating. I'm tired of being misunderstood.

I say to him lets go for a walk. I apologize and we walk down the street and I tell him he' a sweet guy but this is obviously not working. Good luck.
I know he thinks I'm a freak. I have never done anything like this before with someone I didn't know.
I am his worst internet date.

I get home and call James Dean. He listens to my story and makes me feel better. He says maybe he'll bring his daughter over to make Christmas cards.
I will never find someone to love again.
I'm so sad.
I'm drunk.
It snowed today.
I skiped yoga for the first time since starting.
James Dean calls to say they can't make it over for card making. I'm busy Tuesday and Wednesday. It won't happen. At least he made an effort.

dating resume

Meet up with Lance for brunch.
He's young.
There is something weird he does with his mouth when he talks.
He's funny.
We have no spark.
I am not what he wants.
I am never what they want.

He has a theory about how everyone should have a "dating resume"

He needs to leave so he can get down town for his next date.

You go boy!!

Christmas vacation, soon.

One last date.
He's Emo boy. Although he's 37.
He cuts his own hair, it's sort of choppy, but sort of cute on him. He admits to having a fetish for girls who knit.

We meet for sushi. I don't think he's ever eaten sushi.
He's sweet.
He says weird things like "I like a woman who takes care of herself." At first I think he means, like I pay my own rent and stuff, than I'm not a student. No, he means it as a compliment that I look good....for my age.
Ha hahaha.
I drink, I smoke, I do yoga, I eat fast food sometimes...I should not take this as a compliment, but I do. I'm stupid and horny again.

drinks/food: We have a cocktail at Bal Mar. We eat lots of sushi (well I do, he's afraid of it). We drink saki. We have another drink after dinner.

Topics of conversation:
Age.
Looks.
How cool he is because he's Emo.
How he's overcome weird parents and been able to do what he wants to do.
I don't know hy I think he's endeering but I do.

We make out at the bus stop (he doesn't own a car).

That was fun.

myspace

I just got a request from the jagermeister boy from Halloween to be his friend.
I love it!
He's just trolling for more people for his "Lancenation " world take over.
He blogs on myspace about his big win on Halloween.

We send mssages back and forth.
Plan on meeting up this weekend.
Why not?

I'm having no luck, might as well have an entertaining breakfast and maybe make a new friend.

I have my pearl earing back

Mr. Reeves showed up at work and hand delivered it. He's a cocky bastard. Not looking my best. I was sniffling and not feeling well. He caught me off guard while I was helping David with a customer issue. I even had called in sick yesterday with this cold and he gets to see me like this. Why? What do I need to learn form this?

At least I have my ear ring back.

No more 40 year olds.
No more lawyers.
Can I say no more divored men?

Fucked up.

wanna come over to play?

This I IM to James Dean around 11:45am.
He's a my house by 12:15.
I had to shower and change the sheets.

We kiss and move right on in to the bedroom, I'm not looking to talk.
We have a very fun hour. fucking. awesome. all is right with the world.
I love a big cock.

We both really needed this.

drinks: Coffee after.
Topics of conversation: He's been dating, some 22 year old off craiglist. but she doesn't want to deal with a 4 year old. He seems like he's shocked, doesn't understand. Men are idiots.

thanks but no thanks

I receive the best (ha) message from Mr. Reeves.
He does not want to persue a relationship with me. It goes on and on.

I laugh at it and share it with Bryan at work.
"He's asshole" Bryan says, "forget about him"
He's right.
But what's wrong with me?
I'm begining to wonder, then I remember I'm trying to date in Seattle.
Fucked up.
I quit.

Priests and schoolgirls

I get a text message from James Dean wishing me a Happy Halloween. Haven't heard from him in awhile. Nice surprise, but I know he has the kid this weekend so I wish him well.

I then text Keanu Reeves a Happy Halloween. We text and plan to meet up same time same place as the first time. He will be a priest, I imply I will be a schoolgirl...and I'm ready to have confession. Some how getting naked gets mentioned. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.

We have a good yoga work out because one of the women teaches the class not Richard, he's out of town. I try to find a school girl outfit. I am missing plaid skirts from my wardrobe. Shit. I look more like a lawyer. Oh well.

I get to Bal Mar before the priest. I people watch. There is a guy dressed like a transformer, he transforms into a jagermeister bottle. He's drunk. Reeves arrives and the transformer shows us his costume, Reeves watches him and thinks it's so weird that he looks like a normal guy when he takes off his mask. He thinks the guy is sort of sad. I think it's funny. The place is packed. There is a group sitting next to us who are tourists and farmers. They are sad.

We leave as transformer dude is up in front of the crowd trying to win the prize.

drinks: He has 2 cocktails, I have 2 glasses of wine.

Topics of conversation: priests and schoolgirls and should we get naked later?

Why not? I need some action.
We get into the Volvo station wagon and stop off at QFC for a bottle of wine.
Back to Reeves apartment. He has 10 bikes in the living room.
We make out on the sofa.
We take our clothes off.
I go down on him, I enjoy giving head, a lot!
He's enjoying it, a lot!
We have a conversation about sex toys, he had to use them with his xwife. She couldn't come without. So glad that's not me!
I think sex toys belong to the person they are used on. Reeves differs in this...what the hell? who wants to use someone else's dildo? Yuck.
We don't need toys.
He comes 4 times! This hasn't happened to me since I was in college, it's impressive.

After I come, he drives me home.

I get home and realize I am missing my pearl ear ring. Shit. I call him. He finds it. We will figure out how can get back. He has the boys all weekend. I'll be waiting.

shopping and rockabilly boys

Today I started something with a rockabilly boy this morning who ended up asking me to dinner tonight. I'm all for action so I went to dinner.

But
First I went shopping with one of my oldest friends, Heather. We are in similar positions, single and 40, well she's technically not 40 till next Spring, but it's not like it's anything but a number.

Heather is cute. She is slim, goes to the gym, does yoga, runs. She looks good in Levi's and high heels. She is a girly girl. She owns a townhouse and drives a Lexus SUV. She is in sales and travels a lot for work. She is approached by men everywhere she travels. No problems having male friends in her sales territories that she sees when in town for business. Men buy her drinks when she's at a bar, and not always on expense accounts.
Except in Seattle, there is something in the water or maybe it's the coffee. They don't enjoy women here, I'm convinced.
The best thing is to try to find one who just moved here from somewhere else..

She is on Match.com.
So far she's gone out on 4 dates (but she admits she's not putting the time into it). She says the worst was a guy who kept talking about some other guy...she began to think maybe he was gay and just hadn't realized it, so she asked "Who is Jeff, you keep talking about him?", and he said it was his room mate. Ruined it for her. She wants a home owner or at least someone who lives alone! hahaha.
She also wants an older established man. She sent her early 30's dating men 8 years younger, just like I did. I still don't think this is a problem. I have personally found the younger ones to be more open and fun.
Recently,
She met an older cowboy who lived over the pass. Too far away.
She went out three times with room mate boy before realizing he wasn't for her.
She was set up by some friends, but the guy was flaky.
Not having much luck either.

While we are shopping I'm texting the Rockabilly boy.
We decide to meet at Bad Albert's for dinner, he has band rehearsal at 8 so it will be quick.

Food/drink: He doesn't drink alcohol so orders a Shirley Temple, I order a beer. He doesn't eat beef so gets a chicken pasta dish. I get a burger.

Topics of conversation:
Drumming, he's really into it and is trying to get into a marching corps. Interesting. Sort of.
Work: He's a painter...as in paints interiors, explains the weird look in his eye, too much inhalation of chemicals! I work at an art store, he knows it! Amazing.
Tats: He has many. I have 2
Slut: He is one, he admits that he usually researches his date more off the Internet. He asks me if I want to go to his house and fuck at least 3 times. What's up with that? I don't even think he's that into me.
He seems jumpy, is it drugs?

He does ask me if I'd like to come to his show next weekend. Unfortunately I will be visiting my mother in Yakima and going to hear David Sedaris read.

We split the check.
Take his dogs for a quick walk and smoke a cigarette. His dogs are cuter than he is.

I'm over rude rockabilly boys.

sleep!

I am staying in tonight. I have decided I need to have some rules.
Rule 1. I am only going to drink 2 times a week from now on. I can't do this everyother night thing.
Rule 2. No sex on the first date...this was already my rule but I almost broke it last night. The intention was there.

The day was so long today...I need sleep.

Not only women do it

Lying about your age.
Lee Vinning is at least 50!
He's late, at least 20 minutes late.
He's big, tall, fit. Knows people who have climbed Everest, looks like he could.
He says at one point that his friends are trying to set him up "but there is now way he could go out with a 55 year old woman." I believe him.

Is he 55? Wow, he looks good.

I ask him what is the last CD he bought. Bruce Springsteen. I didn't even know Bruce had new music out. I am sure he's 55 now.

He keeps trying to kiss me. Touching my ear ring. This is pretty. Touching my neck. Your lips are beautiful he says about 10 times.
He also says "You look great for 40" I really hate that for some reason.

We drink too much.
We get an order of chicken satay.
He follows me home in his car.
He's a good kisser.
He's convincing.
He has condoms with him, magnums...I'm 2 for 2!
He loses his errection.
It's ok because I wasn't really that into him.
He goes home 20 minutes after arriving.

I lost my handknitted scarf, I must have left it at the bar.

I don't expect to hear from him again.

Blue Jean Baby

I meet up with Keanu Reeves after yoga. We meet at Thai ku, but there are no good tables so we move to Bal Mar. He gives he a mini hug and a quick brush against the cheek when we say hello. He's tall, he's bulky, he is athletic. Over 6ft. and 200 lbs. So not used to that size. Handsome in a cute boyish way. Wearing jeans and a hoody that has some weird phrase on it, is it suposed to be hip?

drinks/food:
We get a glass of wine each. Order a salad and the chicken satay, to split.

Topics of conversation:
Age/dating: people that lie about the ages or info on personal adds. He admits to meeting a woman who had given him a fake name and cut her age by 7 years and she turned out to be a private investigator and she had all the dirt on him. I love these type of stories!!

The biggest determent to that kind of shit is that it does make a difference, in music tastes especially. Like the PI, the last show she'd seen was Elton John. I understood exactly what he was saying. He listens to KEXP and sees bands at small clubs, he doesn't want to go out with a 47 year old who listens to Elton John.

The last show I saw was a group show at the Sunset tavern. I just bough the KEXP compelation CD. At least we have a common ground.

He also has the feeling that internet dating is how he will meet his next girlfriend. Weird. Why don't I feel this way?
Something about being a dad and not having time.

Work: He likes his work. I need a new job.

We have 3 glasses of wine each. He walks me to my car.
His lifelong dream to make out with a girl named Cindy comes true.

I get a thank you text.

Keep 'em coming

Just because James Dean and I have been hanging out doesn't mean I ignored others.
I have two more divorced men I am trying to meet.

Keanu Reeves is a 40 year old lawyer with 2 young boys that he has on weekends, Thursday to Sunday...I can already see this won't be working out...but I'll give it a try. He is into bike racing. I haven't been on a bike since I was in Indonesia 10 years ago.

Lee Vinning is a 42 year old with teenage daughters. All his pictures are of him mountain climbing in full gear, I have no idea what he looks like. But I like mountain climbing, in theory.

Trying to meet up with them is problematic. I have yoga on Monday and Wednesday nights after work and Tuesdays I have knitting.

Instant boring relationship

James Dean and I have Imed all week. He has the weekend free.
I call him when I get off work and invite him over for dinner, "I know you have been sitting if front of the TV all day doing nothing. You need to eat." I say.

Food/drink:
He's over in a flash brings a 6 pack of MGD. Nice.
I make some Indian food from mix, it's ok.

Topics of conversation:
The daughter, school. How much he hates and has no trust in the baby mama. He says he feels so alone when his daughter is gone he really feels aimless.
Health: How he was born with a congenital heart disease and has passed it onto his daughter. He takes meds for it daily and was a sickly kid.

But I get some action, that's why I really invited him over, I've been masturbating daily since last week.
We have sex, it's good. I come mutiple times.
James Dean has an awesome cock, it's perfect. Unfortunately he really hasn't been forced to use it. He wants woman on top. Reverse cowgirl. That's as exciting as it really gets. I suspect he's just not that into me...or depressed.

He tries to sleepover but we just aren't good at it. He leaves about 5 in the morning.

Not sure if I'll see him again.

Into the wild

So after a week of IMing and some phone calls, in which he tries to go the phone sex way again...yikes!! James Dean and I decide to go to a movie on Saturday. Into the Wild is my choice. I loved the book, he hasn't read it.

So he picks me up at 6, he is very prompt, but he lives 10 blocks away. Something I find attractive. We go to the UDistrict and on the way he tells me more about the baby mama, I forget how easy it is to get information form men when they are driving. He's frustrated with her and he's stuck since they have a child.

drinks/food: cocktails at Flowers, 2 each before the movie. We bought our tickets before we go for drinks, he pays for the tickets. I buy a round of drinks. no popcorn.

Topics of conversation:
While at Flowers we talk more about his daughter, school, my work. It's nice, he's a bit more animated than last week.

Movie is good, we hold hands most of it. Cute.

We head back to Ballard and decide to stop at The Viking for another drink. He checks out some girls while we are there. I think we are both getting a bit drunk with flirting and nervousness.

Back to my place, make out a bit. Clothes come off, condom goes on.
James Dean is hung like a porn star! How exciting!
He hasn't had sex in awhile either.
I come 8 times to his one.
I needed this!
The next morning he pulls me on top and we fit together so nicely. I love it how men can come so fast in the morning sometimes! We both come fast together. It seems like I have forgotten how good that feels.

I make him some eggs for breakfast and he's hangin around watching TV but I need to go...I'm meeting some friends to go on the Wallingford House tour.

Bye James, hope we can do this again.

knitting

I get together with my girl friends once a week for "knitting". Tonight I'm hosting. We drink and eat. That's all I'm going to say today.

Yoga shorts

If that's what you call them.
We are taking a twice a week class. Our yogi has been teaching yoga since the 70's. He's extremely limber. We are not.

Richard wears these tiny black cotton boxer like shorts so we can see all his muscles and what you need to be doing with parts of your body. It's Iyengynar yoga so it's pose, then pose, then pose. Good for learning. Not really what we were expecting. I think it's going to be good.

Suzie is grossed out by his feet, he does need a pedicure. It looks like his feet would withstand hot concrete.

OCD is not cool

I have to work Sunday, have a few text messages with Eric the Tall. Confirming. Yes.

I get to Stellar first. Order a Guinness. Relax and do some sketching. He arrives. Looks normal.

drinks/food: Pints, 2 each. Pizza, size medium, he takes leftovers home. Salads which are very important.

Topics of Conversation:

Stellar: he's never been here. I don't eat pizza much (I'm lactose intolerant, I don't tell him this) but I have been her before I met some women here for pizza and drinks about a year ago that I met on myspace. It's yummy.

Family: He doesn't talk to his. He's stories are entertaining, he's family is sort of arch conservative religious freak stories. He's entertaining.

Dating: How young can you go? Two of my last relationships were with men 8 years younger. I've been trying to date in my age group which doesn't work for me in Seattle.

Housemates: One of his is moving away and they are having a party at their house tonight. Mine is dating a man 16 years younger than her, long distance, who she hasn't met. My cut off is somewhere around 28 I think.

OCD: Starting with the fact that he can't get over the fact that some of his lettuce leaves fall onto the table. I think he's going to have a panic attack. He mentions at least 10 more times that he has OCD.

The date is over for me here.

We split the check, but he takes the pizza home.

We don't touch before we get into our cars and drive home.

I don't expect to hear from him.

Just another satistic

James Dean is cute. James Dean is Skinny. James Dean has on a pair of jeans and a blue hoody (little do I know this is what I will see him in every time I see him).

He is sweet.
He is sort of dull.

Drinks/Food: cocktails, 2 for each of us, it's happy hour! Appetisers, satay, the big platter of spices you wrap up (I can never remember what it's called), and dumplings. Yummy.

Topics:
Kids: he has a 4 year old daughter, not sure if he wants more. She's in preschool. I have a 2 year old niece, she's fabulous.

School: he's in full time at Community College, wants to transfer to UW I graduated in 1991 from UW.

Dating: he's not good at it (his words) I think I'm ok.

Living: he used to own a house but when his relationship went bad with his baby mama he sold it and fought for full time custody, which he won. He lives in his sister's basement and shares a room with his daughter. Yikes!!

He's very nice (not my favorite word, but what comes to mind.)
He's very cute.

We ask for the bill and he goes to make a call (see how his daughter is, she's got a cold) and I end up paying for it. Come on the man's on welfare! and it's only $40.
He's is mortified, I say no problem you pay next time.

We leave, there is a jazz festival happening, the streets are packed. We go for tea. He pays.
He's relaxed a bit. We talk about internet dating. I tell him this is my last try and then I'm giving up. He thanks me for going out with him, too sweet. He tells me he has no other option for dating because he doesn't want to go out with someone from school. I try to cheer him up telling him there are lots of options, moms of other kids at preschool for one. Anyway why am I trying to encourage this? Because he's not really my dating material. Might be a good fuck buddy.

It's 9:30 and he needs to go home a tuck in his daughter. I get a hug...
and a thank you text.

I hope we go out again. Nice is a good change.

phone sex

Can not happen before the date!! James Dean called and tried to go there, but it's so wrong. What if we are not at all attracted to each other? OK it's been almost a year since I last had sex, I will pretty much sleep with anyone who looks clean and can give me a compliment. But I can't do the phone sex.

Saturday better be fun.

I'm not lying

I have been honest about my age and said I am 40. I decide if I am to get a date I need to "send flirts" so I do. I have to record a voice mesage. Now I can send messages free to those who write me.

My friend Bryan tells me I should totally lie.
You don't look or act 40, You don't want to go out with men who are 40, that's too old.
His words...I agree, but I want to be truthful, at least at first.

James Dean is a 33year old single dad, he also goes to school full time. Has the first 3 weekends of the month free as his xgirlfriend takes her daughter. We IM, he seems sweet. It's not a free weekend. He needs a date...wants to meet on Saturday for drinks and dinner at Thai Ku, he'll get his sister to hang out with his daughter.

Eric the Tall is a 38 year old who lives with housemates and moved to Seattle last year. Some computer tech job. He likes to see live bands and drink beer (who doesn't?) We plan to meet on Sunday after I get off work at Stellar pizza.

Sounds good.

One more try at internet dating

So I had a few glasses of wine for dinner tonight and filled out a profile on The Stranger personnels. We shall see what happens.

I also signed up for a yoga class, let's see which I'm still doing in two months.